And then it hit me . . .

I've always thought of myself as a happy and easygoing person. I always try to look at the glass as half full and not to ever feel bad for myself because "there's always someone who's got it worse than me". And then it hit me . . . why do I feel this way? As an adopted person, I never let myself feel bad about being adopted, even when I found out that my birth parents had 5 other children that they chose to keep! Even when I grew up with parents who were very obvious about their favoring of my brother (their biological child) over me. I feel a little like that guy in the movie "Me, Myself & Irene", where I wonder if my split personality is going to pop out one day and reek havoc on the world around me.
My natural tendency is to be a pleaser, to put myself second and everyone around me first. I always thought it was because I'm a girl and that's what girls do. But the older I get, I am starting to wonder if there is more to it than that. I had an interview the other day and the guy who was interviewing me asked what my insecurites were. It caught me off guard and really made me think. On the outside, people see me as a confident and secure person, but if they could see inside they would see that it's all a front. I go by the motto "fake it until you make it". If I act confidently then eventually I'm hoping it will sink in and that is how I will be.
A while back my sister-in-law told me that as you get older you start to reflect more on who you are and how you view the world, at the time I thougth it was a synical way of thinking. But now I think she is right, but instead of viewing the world differently, I am really starting to question how I view myself, how and why I make the decisions I make, and what I am going to do to change it.